:)hmmm nothing special

"Your Sucha Wreck and Now It Starts To Show."



It's funny isn't it?
that people start a line like that,
when it isnt even funny at all.
A line as in a sentence, not a pack.
A pack of regrets, i mean.
Regrets as in..oh im done with the riddles,
or what ever you can begin to call these.
I keep thinking of this line,over and over again in my head.
and when i say line... i mean to say lyric.
It goes..."There are just certian people you keep coming back too"
Hmm, it makes me think, it makes me realize various things.

pst.NEVERSHOUTNEVER is the bomb diggity (yes, i used sebastions word) :D

:)In Class.

Yes! You heard me right, Im in class.
But im suppose to be on the computer, so it's no big secret :)

My Found Poem

Death is of no return,
I sense myself filling with rage,
Seal yourself away from the offender forever,
Will I be able to allow death,
With painful awe at the vacuum left by the dead,
Obliged to know everything,
Death will take itself,
In my heart.
Imprison and inhibit more than barred windows and iron chains.
Admit what we expected to happen did not happen.

:]readding journal

So im reading Eclipse (im gunna stick with the book).
Currently Bella is trying so hard for Edward and Jacob to be civil,
so she can still be bestfriends with jacob while being with edward (the love of her life). Ugh, I love edward and everything and i do agree he's perfect, but im am still TEAM JACOB! And i know that personally this will not work out. I mean a werewolf and a vampire being friends? Its hard enough for them to be with a human...but if they are complete and total enimies than what is bella expecting? For them to put aside their differences and have a tea party? CMON ON! I am sorry, i am usually the one that tries to be a optomistic person but who is she kidding?! I mean im not even done with the book but it doesnt take a rocket sciencetist to know that this cant work out. I mean they can't even deal with the way eachother smell! How could they ever find a way to get past themselves and be friends for bella's sake?
this is all just going to crash and burnn...

Goodbye...

Goodbye, my continues regrets. Goodbye sweet memories that still bring utter excitement and joy. Goodbye pouring rains and the sounds of relief you bring to me. Goodbye life, for no long will I have to bare you and your complexity. Goodbye all words of sorrow and people that have kept me sane on my most horrid days. And goodbye those people that I dread, you have done nothing more than add onto my insanity. Goodbye strangers, for even though I do not pay much attention to your face and even though you may have shoved me aside or never greeted me with a kindly hello, I'm sure that some that some of you are kind souls. Goodbye sweet birds and your chirping, it never fails to place a smile on my face. Goodbye music, for you helped me breathe on the darkest of days. Your lyrics kept my heart beating, and gave me the strength to live another day. But now as death awaits no longer will I need to take another breath or for my heart to beat. Goodbye sun, for you lighted everyday, whether I wanted you to or not. Goodbye coldness, for you never fail to find me. Always placing goosebumps on my skin and shivering. Do you enjoy keeping my body heat to a minimum amount of heat? Goodbye clouds, for it always seemed that I was never alone. You kept me entertained, in the way you were most times oddly shaped. On days when I thought I had no imagination you always brought it back to me. Goodbye my kiddie television shows, you filled my life with thoughts of happy clowns with adorable dolls and lions in library's. You taught me that elephants can talk and that red dogs can be abnormally large sized. You showed me that grouchy monsters live in trashcan, and big purple dinosaurs exist with children that often break into song and dance with everyday lessons. Goodbye flesh, without you I am certain I would not look appealing, thanks for making me more attractive, or maybe you will join me in the afterlife? Goodbye trees, you've always provided me with so much shade. I am also very sorry that we are tearing you down or pulling you from the ground. I am sorry that you are being destructed so rudely and that we don't even do the most civil-est thing of asking for your permission. And I'm sorry ...i am printing this on paper. I'm not sure if this would be ledge-able on a leaf... Goodbye the used, you are my savior. Your lyrics have sinked into my skin, I would nowhere near happy if you weren't introduced into my life. Goodbye mother and father...if you are not already dead. I know that often I have been selfish, stubborn, inconsiderate, non consistent, complicated and often times been ridiculously mad for no reason whatsoever. Goodbye canvases of the world, I'm sorry that I will not be able to paint onto all of you, but even though colors and emotion have not been expressed upon you yet, you are still acknowledged. Goodbye camera's, with just a click you capture some of life's most greatest moments, something that truly remains to amaze me.. Goodbye Imagination, for never would I truly have had a soul if it werent for you. Goodbye love, for I have never found you, and now I will never have a chance to grasp you in all your glory. Goodbye everything, for I know that I will certainly be in pain not being able to live.

FRUITBASKET <3 :] (my reading journal)

Okay so im reading this new book (i know i know, i change my books to often),
its quite hard to find a book i can actually stick with.
if you know any EXTREMELY good books, gimme a shout out :]
anways...the books called "Fruits Basket".
interesting name huh? Something youve probally havent heard of before.

^^^ theres the book.
its a book that has to do with this thing called "manga" i wasnt sure what it ment and what the difference between manga and anime was. But than someone (i forgot who)
told me about how manga is like a japanese comic and that anime is like the shows that has like the characters. Manga is really cool, your suppose to read the book from right to left. Which told me a while to figure out. At first it took me like 10 mintues to read the first 4 pages because it took me forever to figure out the order it should be read and which box goes first. :] but now i get it.
Anyways...about the book.
There is this girl named Tohru Honda, :] (ISNT THAT THE COOLEST NAME?!)
and so like ALOT of things have happened to her like her mom died (but she still talks to her mom throughout the book...its kinduh werid). And she lives with her grandpa, and shes like one of those girls that work all the time and go to school and yeah. Shes way to hard on herself. But long story short, than she stays with the the Sohma family, who is like these two boys. One of them goes to her school, and hes like the uber special guy, that all the girls like and think is amazingly nice and gorgeous. yeah,yeah you know. And so the sohma family has a secret. THEY CAN TRANSFORM INTO ANIMALS OF THE CHINESE ZODIC! You know, like the dog, the rat, the boar, the rooster and so on. Yeah its cool like whenever, someone hugs them or whenever they are weak they transform. And so she finds our the secret, and usually they erase the memory of any human that knows. But they let her keep her memory, as long as she promises not to tell anyone! :D
OH! and theres like this other brother of them that shows up in the book too, and hes the cat, but in the story its like hes not part of the zodiac because he has to beat his other brother that is the rat in order too. But his brothers REALLY strong so he never wins. D:
So so far thats pretty much the important stuff i guess, this is only like the first book of the whole series.
So tommorow at school im gunna ask luke if i can borrow the rest,
youll be hearing more of what happens later!

new everything :]

yupyupyup.
Can't You See The Difference?
new layout.
new song player.
and new added things.

:]
even a picture i drew myself.

:]hellowjellow

hmmmmm,you see i am not sure how to start this post.
You see,everything is fustrating to me at the momment.
i am not even sure if i want to make a blog post,
but i like the feeling of typing and not being in my room,
i dont want to make conversation with anyone at the moment.
I just want everyone to leave me alone.
is that so hard to ask? for once to have a moment to yourself.
but apperently not.
its funny, its seems that as a kid we are expected to always be on the run,
which we are.
which i hate.
i mean we also want moments when we are not told constantly what to do, or what we need to do better.
we want moments of silence too,
non judgeable moments.
man, today was already quite fusterating,
i feel like now i just want to pull my hair out.
which lately when i am fusterated or stressed in dig my nails into my scalp which makes my hair come out of my messy bun. currently i already had needed to fix my hair and re-due my bun twice.


You know what annoys me?
well actually thats a trick question, many many things annoy me. nails on a chalk board. people who dont listen to other peoples ideas. things that are un-needed. when people tell me to grow up. when people tell me to use common sense. hmmm in fact now that im such a negitive state saying all these things i totally forgoten my point...hmmmm, oh yes. I hate it when people just throw around the word love when talking about the opposite sex. I am currently talking to one of my best guyfriends whom i nicknamed "camcrakers" (pretty awesome right? XDD) and with every girlfriend he has (which hes had loads) he tells me he loves them. Currently that boy is making me have gray hair, dont get me wrong. Cameron ("camcrackers") is one of my bestfriends ever, and he has helped me with everything and i would have gone insane in 8th grade without him, but that boy is more confusing that any other person i know. its always loveher.loveher.loveher. and its just reminds me about how everyone seems to do that, using love all the time like saying it means nothing important.
It just reminds me of the boy who called wolf, when will i ever believe you actually love someone if you keep saying that about every girl you seem to meet?

Hmmmmm, so anyways i went to lauren's SLC today with her mom.
it was so much fun, and she did it so easily, watching her really helped me.
Im less nervous now :]

:]photobloggg.

Cynical:bitterly or sneeringly distrustful, contemptuous, or pessimistic.




Muse:to think or meditate in silence, as on some subject.



Epitaph:a commemorative inscription on a tomb or mortuary monument about the person buried at that site. Or a brief poem or other writing in praise of a deceased person.

You Are The Moon.

Prettah Rad Huh?
So currently listening to "You Are The Moon" by The Hush Sound.
:]it calms me down.
most hushsound songs do. o_O
haha, there whenever i freak out on you,
just play me Hush Sound and i will be fine
:]
just remember that.
I just got back from buying stuff for the costumes,
i already bought TONS of stuff yesterday.
but i just bought a little bit more today.
hmmmmmm, i cant find my dream journal...
thats not good

:O

Reading Journal Deariez :]

IF I DIE INSIDE, WOULD ANYONE REALIZE?
:]hmm so this is another reading Journal about the book Swollen. (PSTTT im also listening to CIWWAF, <-- Cute is what we aim for. While im doing this :X)So anyways now this book is starting to tell me more personal stuff about her, like how she only lives with her father and her fathers girlfriend. Because her mother wanted a adventure so she left to some other place. (they still somewhat keep in touch). Whenever I hear of a situation like that, I always think about JUNO. :X you know?
Kinduh random but if youve seen JUNO. Than in it you would know that she doesnt live with her mom, and that weridly her mom sends her a cactus every valinties day...which is like WOAH. But anyways, yeah nothing yet has really happened with the new boy and her (samatha). I mean he gave her his phone number, but nothing MAJIOR. (No, I dont call that MAJIOR). So far she seems to be getting alot better in running. She almost catched up with the fast girls in running. So I dont think she will be a middle girl for any much longer.Im kind of scared though, I mean one thing you should know is that this book has AMAZING detail. And in one of the chapters shes at a meet, and shes running so fast. I dont know it kind of scares me the way the book descires it. Like it talks about how she feels as if her heart will rip out of her chest and its just like.. I dont know it sounds so suicidal. I dont know, it makes me start to wonder if maybe shes one of these characters that die at the end of the book?

"Theres a engine in my body, with every beat it helps mee breathe.
- CIWWAF

:]UNICORN<3

....DONT CALL ME A HORSE, IM A UNICORN.
:] tehehe<3 my frand told me about that song.
and now ez all ovah my mind. :X
its like WOAH! You should listen to it.
It's Called "Unicorn" by 1-800-ZOMBIE
:D its a very catchy song, if it doesnt make you happy....
>_< than gawssshhh. :P

hmmmmm, today was FUN.FUN.FUN.
I poped some of Ellen bubblez.
and this GIANT butterfly come out of nowhere and scared us!
we were screaming....and than
somehow we ended up on the ground laughing hysterically.
:X i dont know how we got there but it was HILARIOUS.

:]
and best part, i found out somestuff that made me HAPPPPYYY AS HECK!
hmmm maybe things will change in favor for what i want for once?

well JEEZ, i hope so :P
and ill just be here waiting, hoping that more than anything.
Tommorrow will be EVEN greater.
i know what your thinking. and no im not selfish and i am gratefull today.
dont get me wrong <3

haha look at this >_< :

pillowlover15: r9oew
pillowlover15: ekr
pillowlover15: lwk
WOAHcaitlinxD: ...pardon?
WOAHcaitlinxD: i dont speak ape
WOAHcaitlinxD: :]

:]so in advisory

Yup, in advisory :]
listening to matt talk about hatting his grandmas guts.
tisk, tisk.
:D
i tried to act gansta but than he didnt get it >_<
YOU PEOPLE NEVER UNDERSTAND ME :P
hmmmmmmmm, so i just emailed, sonja (*hint**hint*)
i wonder what shes doing right now,
probally laughing and than putting her hand in her hair.
(like she ALWAYS does)
:]hmmm
some werid chick (probally a sophmore)
came in and started dancing.
they are so werid :]

MATT CAN COUNT TO THREE IN FRENCH.
bet you cant!
Now i ran away from him

:]]]
yay! jk.
im gunnna goo,
lunch time

:]
weeeeee!

Reading Journal.

Pshhhh i almost forgot about this! :X
Anyways Im Reading a book called "Swollen". One of my friends told me about it because she said it somewhat reminded her of the book lovely bones...Which is a book i adore. So far i dont see the comparision. XD But Swollen is pretty good. It takes place around cross country, because thats like the big sport at that highschool. (You know like how some schools revolve around baseball or football? Like how HTHCV revolves around doodgeball. Yeah thats what I mean) The main character is this girl named Samantha. So far I can relate myself to her alot. Because she called herself like a middle girl. Which I think of myself that way too. Im not the best. But im not the worse either. Same with everything I do. Im most times In the middle. Same with some of my opinions, i cant pick i side. Im in the middle. So guess i already discovered that about myself thanks to that book! YAY! :]
I havent read lots of the book, but so far what happened is that this uber popular guy (Owen Killgore) hahahaha nice last name huh? XD Anyways, so hes like the big cheese at that school. Hmm like zac efforn is in highschool musical. So yeah he dies.
Of a swollen heart (see thats where the title comes from) But on the day that he dies, this new boy comes to school. SO far im thinking something will happen with samantha and this new boy.... ;D dont you?

"This is the story. It's about love. No matter how hard I try, it's never quite right.But I keep trying. I keep running away."
^^^on the cover of the back of the book.

Im a statue baby, Knock Me Out.

Even the closets most pedictable people scare you sometimes.
Currently listening to: Paralyzed by The Used.

Well Well Well, dearie wasn't today emotional? ;]
I loved it, well not quite. As to everyday I have there will
always been some moments that Made my day slightly unenjoyable for a moment.
But today for the most part was AMAZING.
It was a total reality post secret moment. <3
Everyone telling all these deep things about them.
NOW THATS WHAT I CALL BRAVE. (did you think i was gunna say music volume 27? or something?)
Anyways I learned alot of things about people that were big.
Sometimes about people i didnt even know, but somehow I still felt really close to them. It was sucha a inspiring moment, that I think brought us closer together as a school. It just made me love HTHCV even more <3333

:]i also learned something, to live in the moment. And to never take anything for granted and that things happen for a reason.And that to spend time with people you really care about, and to never left them forget that you actually care. "That they Make A Difference".

You know what? If someones not going to give me the time of day,
If they arent going to care, even though you care about them.
Than they aren't worth it
:] you deserve better.

i know your probally thinking,how did i get to that?
but believe me, it would make sense if you could get into my head.

:]HarryPotter <3 And The Deathly Hallows.

In currently reading the deathly hallows.
AGAIN! <3333 psh aka my favorite book in the entire world.
It's the book where dobby dies right? THAT MADE ME CRY!
Seriously, it was so werid. Dumbludore dies...but do i cry? No.
Fred and George Die. But do I care? NOPE. Dobby dies and I CRY SO HARD.
I love dobby <3 he's my favorite. Remeber that
hahaha, so im being espacially happy because im trying to take all the sadness from today out. :P

:]schools tomorrow. yay?

Don't speak Liar.

"Get a grip darling dear"

TODAY SUCKED.
well not all of it,
just certain parts.
like for example my darn bridge, it was suppose to hold 20 cups.
but what did it hold...4 CUPS.

:[ man it just crashed and burned.
my grade is SOOOO going down now.
and i can't have that, i need A's.
Seriously, thats just who I am.

I live to get A. Anything lower of a grade on a final report card,
means one thing to me. :failure

harsh? well thats your opinion.

i know, i know, im being a bit frisky tonight.
lots going on.

Lemme ask you uh question,

Have you ever felt like you did a big mistake and more than anything you want to just get over it. Because you know life goes on, and theres no point in whinning about it. But the truth is you can't.And The more you keep reminding yourself about it the more you regret it. And you keep telling yourself that things happen for a reason and that this was ment to happen. But more than anything you just want to scream and change your mistake into what you wish would have happened?